Care Without Carrying: The “Hold the Bowl” Method
I have so many clients who crave human connection…
but the thought of one more social interaction makes them want to crawl into a cave.
They want community.
They want deep friendships.
They want partnership.
But having a social life feels absolutely draining.
And the idea of one more thing taking energy instead of fueling it?
HELL. NO.
These are often the self-identified empaths.
The helpers.
The nurturers.
The ones everyone goes to.
And here’s what I’ve noticed:
Many of us never learned how to care without carrying.
Caring vs Carrying
A lot of us grew up equating love with absorbing.
Listening meant taking it on.
Supporting meant solving.
Being a good friend meant holding everything for everyone...your problems are my probelms.
So we end up wanting connection…
and then leaving every interaction feeling heavy.
Over time, we start associating connection with exhaustion.
And that’s tough, because we actually need connection. Our nervous systems thrive on it.
So how do we stay open without feeling drained?
This is where “Hold the Bowl” comes in.
What’s Actually Happening in Those Draining Moments
When someone is venting, spiraling, oversharing, or emotionally charged, it can feel personal.
But often, has nothing to do with you.
Usually they’re at capacity.
Their emotional cup feels full.
They’re overwhelmed.
They don’t know how to create space inside themselves.
So their vent, their outburst, even their excitement is an attempt at releasing internal pressure.
If you’re sensitive or naturally nurturing, that energy can land on you fast.
Unless you give it somewhere else to land.
Hold the Bowl
When someone is throwing energy your way, imagine you’re holding a large bowl out in front of you.
Everything they’re tossing goes into the bowl.
Not onto you.
Not into your body.
Not into your nervous system.
You’re still present.
Still attentive.
Still compassionate.
But instead of absorbing, you’re observing.
When the emotion is on you, it’s hard to see clearly. You’re in it.
When it’s in the bowl, you can look at it with a little space.
That space makes it easier to respond thoughtfully.
It makes it easier to support in a way that actually helps.
And it keeps you regulated.
When the conversation is over, imagine setting the bowl down. Dump it out. Let it go.
Simple. Visual. Effective.
This Isn’t Detachment
This isn’t about shutting down or being cold.
It’s about staying grounded so you can actually stay connected.
When you’re not overwhelmed by what someone else is feeling, you can stay open. You can show up consistently. You can care deeply.
Without feeling exhausted all the time from carrying what isn’t yours.
BONUS:
If you’re someone who has a history of taking on other people’s energy, there’s a good chance you’re still carrying some of it.
Over time, that buildup can show up as feeling heavy, lethargic, foggy, or creatively blocked.
Clients will often say things like:
“I used to have so many ideas.”
“Why do I feel dull lately?”
“I’m tired but I can’t explain why.”
When you’re constantly absorbing without clearing, it doesn’t just disappear. It lingers.
In my work, I often see that this buildup settles in the lower body, especially the pelvic area, which is connected to creativity, vitality, and momentum. When that area feels weighed down, it can impact your energy and clarity more than you realize.
If this sounds like you, check out my Free Pelvic Bowl Clearing. It’s designed to help you gently clear what isn’t yours and reset your energy so you can feel like yourself again.
